The Healthy Mind’s Guide to Practicing Safe-Stress During the Holidays…

Ah, the holidays. Snow is falling peacefully in the meadow. Santa is getting ready for his Big Night. Visions of sugarplums will soon be dancing in our heads.

What a wonderfully quiet and perfectly peaceful time of the year….right? RIGHT?!?!

(( anyone?? ))

Yes it is true, the holidays can be a wonderful time of the year. But, the Chaos of Christmas – the shopping, the traffic, the travel, the family obligations – can emotionally wear us down if we aren’t careful.

All of us know the stress involved in getting through the hustle and bustle of the holidays. But why do we get so stressed? Is there anything we can do to relieve the pressure we put on ourselves during this time of the year?

As we navigate through this holiday season, reflect on what is stessing you out the most and take action to lower your holiday angst. You really can do it. 

In fact, practicing Safe Stress is as easy as E-F-G!

Expectations

Take the time to manage your expectations of the holiday season for you and your family. Yes, the holidays are full of tradition – and they are beautiful. But idealized images of the holidays (as portrayed in the media and advertising) can really work against us. In trying so hard to achieve this “idealized” holiday image, we can end up very stressed and very exhausted.

Embrace the holiday spirit, yes. But try not to get too beholden to idealized images or memories of the holidays. Don’t get too stressed or frustrated if you can’t get it as perfect as a Norman Rockwell christmas painting. Blend traditions of your past with the traditions you create with your family in the present. A realistic balance of love, work and play during the holidays will make for beautiful memories. Now that is an ideal holiday!

Family

One of the most beautiful aspects of the holidays is spending time with family. But this time of year can have its share of family angst as well. In today’s modern world, full of many versions of “family”, getting together with our relatives can be a complicated balancing act. Take the time to discuss what works best for you and your family. If family relations are strained or conflictual, game plan ahead of time how you would deal with those situations, should they arise.

It is hard to go wrong with kindness however, even in the middle of conflict. As I tell my patients, “sometimes when a big wave is approaching you, it may be better to just hold your breath and duck under the wave, rather than trying to jump over it.”

Remember, the behaviors and attitudes of relatives have been formed over a lifetime of experience – just like our own. There is really very little that we can say in the context of a holiday gathering of a few hours – or even a few days – that is is going to change this.

Realizing this fact, letting go and adopting a “this too shall pass” attitude (if relationships are that tense) may be the best approach to achieving holiday nirvana.

Gift Giving

The stores. The lines. The traffic. Gift wrapping. Hypercaffienated, hypogycemic, Saturday-before-Christams panic shopping.

Sweating-in-the-malls-waiting-in-line-to-buy-a-sweater-that-YOU-KNOW–will-have-become-a-tax-deductible-donation-by-your-Uncle-Paul-even-before-Valentine’s Day.

And if – like me – you have children…Pictures With Santa. (‘nuff said)

For many, shopping for gifts is the most stressful part of the holiday season – especialy in this economy. It can fray nerves, spark arguments and generally just wear us out. But it really doesn’t have to be that stressful.

Taking the time to talk with our children, family and friends about holiday gift-giving and spending limits can go a long way to take the pressure off our back. Fighting the guilt to buy (advertisers know it is an easy tactic to get parents to overspend on kids), giving children choices and explaining why there are limits is a very good way to ease the burden of guilt.

In larger families, you simply don’t have to buy a gift for everyone. That said, everyone in the family should be aware of the plan so that no one gets upset. Making a gift can also be a beautiful personal touch.

The holidays can truly be a most beautiful time of the year. It should be a time of happiness, goodwill and family tradition. Respect your limits and be compassionate to yourself. Focus on Presence, not Presents. Be thankful for all you have and reach out to those less fortunate.

‘Tis the holiday season, and it is worth taking the time to practice Safe Stress.

It’s as simple as E-F-G!!